It’s time for the PFT 2008 All-Turd Team. As usual (i.e., as we did last year), we’ll get started with the offense.
Let us know if we’ve missed anyone.
The requirements for consideration are one or more arrests, one or more violations of the league’s substance abuse policy, one or more violations of the league’s steroid policy, one or more holdouts while under contract, one or more flagrant acts of rudeness and/or stupidity, and/or anything else that makes us think that there’s good cause for the player to be included on the squad.
Here we go.
As usual, we start with the poster children for the turd squad: the wide receivers.
Chris Henry, WR, unattached: Does this one really need any explanation? On his last chance with the Bengals (and, possibly, the league), Henry was arrested for assault and criminal damaging. Very soon, this criminal might no longer be damaging the sport we love.
Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos: The heir to the Pacman/Henry “throne,” Marshall has spent more time in the back of a cruiser than an empty donut box. Of course, that McDonald’s bag mishap thing might have gotten him on this list on its own.
Dwayne Jarrett, WR, Panthers: The guy who was supposed to be a first-rounder fell to round two, and then played like an undrafted free agent. He was arrested for DUI earlier this year, and recently pleaded guilty. The next time he’s in the film room with Steve Smith, Jarrett would be wise to keep his head on a swivel.
David Kircus, WR, Dolphins: V.P. of football operations Bill Parcells says he doesn’t want thugs and hoodlums. Apparently, that term doesn’t include players who beat the hell out of a guy and then claimed it was self-defense.
Chad Johnson, WR, Bengals: Though he has never been in trouble with the law or any of the league’s major policies, Johnson created an unnecessary distraction by blustering for a trade before caving once he realized that the team had him by the fuzzy Ocho. He’s now saying all the right things, but we don’t know what to believe from this guy. So we suggest that no one believe any of it.
Javon Walker, WR, Raiders: Yeah, he wasn’t arrested or anything in the past year, but that champagne spraying weekend in Vegas followed by a robbery and a phony story to TheDirty.com was enough to get him a spot. [Editor’s note: We somehow overlooked Walker in the initial version; thanks for the head’s up from the reader who called us.]
Jerramy Stevens, TE, Buccaneers: This guy was the King of the Turds even before his antics at the University of Washington were chronicled by the Seattle Times. And yet he somehow still has a job in the league.
Jeremy Shockey, TE, Giants: He can blame the team for not letting him on the sidelines for the Super Bowl all he wants, but we’ll never forget that image of Shockey double-fisting cocktails while his teammates pulled off one of the biggest upsets in NFL history. The fact that the Giants came of age without him is strong evidence of how much he was holding the franchise back.
Bryant McKinnie, OL, Vikings: He followed up the Love Boat saga by swinging a Hate Pole into a bouncer’s noggin.
Nick Kaczur, OL, Patriots: After getting pinched for possession of prescription painkillers, Kazcur got wired up and helped bust his supplier.
Gosder Cherilus, OL, Lions: His idea of breaking up a fight includes trying to break the back of one of the participants.
Brandon Keith, OL, Cardinals: Drafted by the Cardinals despite three pending misdemeanors.
Stocker McDougle, OL, unattached: McDougle was busted last year for felony battery on a person over the age of 65.
Cedric Benson, RB, unattached: Underperforming top-five pick was bounced by the Bears after getting busted twice on booze-related charges roughly a month.
Marshawn Lynch, RB, Bills: His hit-and-run incident followed by several weeks of refusing to own up to it could win him an automatic berth in the All-Turd Hall of Fame.
Ahmad Bradshaw, RB, Giants: Plenty of NFL players are arrested; few spend 30 days in jail.
Kenton Keith, RB, Colts: Busted on four misdemeanor charges earlier this year, Keith might not be long for the Colts.
Cory Boyd, RB, Bucs: Fighting at the rookie symposium? Nice.
Jeff Garcia, QB, Bucs: Signed a two-year contract at what the market bore in 2007, and now is crying about it.
Philip Rivers, QB, Chargers: Acts like a spoiled brat more often than not. (Hey, until quarterbacks start getting arrested, it doesn’t take much to make the list at this position.)
Matt Leinart, QB, Cardinals: Allowed himself to be photographed in a compromising situation, then hired a lawyer to try to muscle sites like this one to take them down. He doesn’t love football nearly as much as he loves the lifestyle.
Brett Favre, QB, “retired”: We realize that a gang of Packers fans might tear down our headquarters, but an equally large gang of Packers fans might thank us. The guy needs to learn how to make decisions and stick with them.
Mike Vick, QB, Falcons: He’s still technically on the roster, so he’s still eligible a spot on the team.
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Da Oracle, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 10:23 pm
Phillip Rivers on the All Turd team? For what? You are one sick puppy, Florio.
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Rating: 2.2 / 5 with 21 rating(s)
tbtsm15, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 10:25 pm
Johnson, Garcia, Rivers, Leinart, etc. were never arrested. No arrest = no turd.
If you want a QB, Vick should be on the Turd-of-fame.
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Rating: 3 / 5 with 14 rating(s)
wickftball53, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 10:40 pm
What about TO? He wasn’t bad this year but when he was with the Eagles I think he turned a lot of fans off. The guy makes me sick. He showed no respect for the game when he was doing sit-ups in his driveway and complaining about his contract. He wanted what he wanted and it makes me sick. He should have been kicked out of the league for good for his actions. There’s talk of him making the HOF and its BS. The HOF is for guys that respect the game and respect other players and he doesn’t do that.
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Rating: 2.6 / 5 with 21 rating(s)
MrSphincter, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 10:43 pm
wickftball53,
TO didn’t play for the Eagles (when he “turned a lot of fans off”, i.e. Pissed off Eagles fans such as yourself) this past season, so why in the hell would he be on the 2008 All-Turd team?
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Rating: 3.8 / 5 with 17 rating(s)
Beastie Bills, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 10:45 pm
Lynch?
He’s been in trouble with the law one time, and now he’s potentially All-Turd Hall of Fame? That’s quite a stretch.
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Rating: 2.25 / 5 with 11 rating(s)
Boltmania, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 10:48 pm
Rivers but no Vince Young? Ill take a guy that has the cajones to play the game with one knee and still talk trash over a guy who wants to retire to boozing it up with his half naked male entourage anyday.
Stay Classy Florio
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Rating: 3.45 / 5 with 17 rating(s)
NonYahooHotmailAcct, a Division Champ, on 6/30/08 at 10:52 pm
The inclusion of Leinart and Garcia makes me wonder if you did it just to rile up some people and get more comments and more ad dollars.
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Rating: 3.8 / 5 with 13 rating(s)
You should add Javon Walker to the list. He may not be a full fledged turd yet, but, at the very least, he’s a smelly fart!
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Rating: 4 / 5 with 11 rating(s)
ncoolong, a Water Boy, on 6/30/08 at 10:58 pm
Are you guys making the rules? Jeremy Shockey wasn’t arrested either, he’s not exactly turd-less.
If anything, you should make an All-Turd Team, but have a separate list of wide receivers. Do you realize you left off a woman-beater (Cedrick Wilson), a guy who pulled a gun on his dad (James Hardy) and another who called out his college because he had a poor pro day (Malcolm Kelly)?
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Rating: 3.9 / 5 with 9 rating(s)
The Q-man, a Division Champ, on 6/30/08 at 11:14 pm
It looks like a lot of the turds were little stinkers and not full blown TURDS.
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Rating: 3 / 5 with 7 rating(s)
cowboysdw28mb3, a Water Boy, on 6/30/08 at 11:21 pm
wickftball53, get over it. How many YEARS has it been? This is the 2008 team, so why the heck would Owens be on it? And I agree with MacD, Javon Walker should probably be on it as well. I also agree with Beastie Bills. Sure he should be on the 08 team, but the All-Time team might be a bit much. True with what Boltmania said to, you should switch up Rivers with Young.
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Rating: 3.45 / 5 with 11 rating(s)
yesyesyall, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 11:33 pm
Could Marvin Harrison qualify for this team from that whole bar conflict / gunshot incident? Whatever happened with that investigation anyway?
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Rating: 5 / 5 with 13 rating(s)
thegregwitul, a Passionate Fan, on 6/30/08 at 11:42 pm
Marshawn Lynch as an all-time turd? You’re an attorney, Florio, so either you have a Lynch bias or you’re putting on that leather jacket and getting fit for water skis. This isn’t Leonard Little.
Look at the situation; his attorney and employer told Lynch to stay quiet, he does just that and the situation resolves himself. Way to take into consideration both sides of the story. If this were Joe Average in the same situation, he would have paid the $100 and lost his license - he wouldn’t have been thrown under the bus the way Lynch has.
Phillip Rivers shouldn’t be on the list, as well. I don’t like the guy but he plays with emotion (too much, perhaps) and played well enough on one leg. Vince Young would be a suitable replacement, though, as several others have mentioned.
j.
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Rating: 2.8 / 5 with 10 rating(s)
Vox Veritas, a Hall of Famer, on 6/30/08 at 11:50 pm
“What about TO? He wasn’t bad this year but when he was with the Eagles I think he turned a lot of fans off.”
Leave it to the Eagles fans to not get it. It says “2008 ALL-TURD TEAM OFFENSE”, brainiac. Not 2005, not 1995.
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Rating: 3.25 / 5 with 8 rating(s)
Staleys, a Cheerleader, on 6/30/08 at 11:56 pm
Obviously no one doubts Benson’s inclusion here; I like to think he earns a starter spot; Lynch has superior skills but Cedric has that extra turdiness. With Matt Forte there are question marks, with Cedric Benson there was absolutes (Absolute 6-10).
Javon Walker is the most glaring omission. When he got hurt after his Green Bay holdout he was the most pitiful Packer I’ve ever seen. He turned out not be right but for crying out loud, in his position I’d hope to be smart enough to figure out this is the time to work hard and succeed so you can go to Vegas all I want after retiring.
Am I wrong in suggesting the majority of (not all) Pro-Bowl Players realize this?
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Rating: 4 / 5 with 3 rating(s)
F2m185, a Cheerleader, on 7/1/08 at 12:09 am
Philip Rivers is exactly what this list is titled, a TURD. All this idiot does is run his mouth to opposing teams and toots his own horn about being one of the best QBs in the NFL. The mere site of this guys face is annoying. He taunts fans on the road and meanwhile is surrounded by arguably the best supporting cast in the NFL. Complete douche. Any guy with NFL knowledge will concur that if the Chargers had a halfway decent QB they already would have a superbowl championship under their belt. How can anyone say Vince Young belongs on this list for being photographed drinking with his friends out at a bar? Like this is the most abnormal behavior ever, give me a break. Theres many more clowns in the NFL worthy of this turd list than VY. Being the big time Broncos fan that I am, Brandon Marshall’s antics are really starting to become annoying. Another big talent athlete throwing his career away. Great job Brandon
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Rating: 3.2 / 5 with 9 rating(s)
robrocker, a Passionate Fan, on 7/1/08 at 12:16 am
Marshawn Lynch was never arrested.
In fact, he’s never been arrested in his life (or charged with a crime).
I love it that days after going before a judge for the FIRST TIME IN HIS LIFE — and pleading guilty to a $100 traffic fine — Lynch is the *ONLY* player to be mentioned as possibly getting “an automatic berth in the All-Turd Hall of Fame.”
Man, PFT passionately hates Lynch. Is it the grill?
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Rating: 2 / 5 with 8 rating(s)
Dr.Drizzle, a Cheerleader, on 7/1/08 at 12:25 am
This team is soft on RB. You should throw in Ahmad Bradshaw. He woule be one of the few guys on the team actually in prison right now.
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Rating: 4.2 / 5 with 5 rating(s)
Brant, a Passionate Fan, on 7/1/08 at 12:37 am
Although I am a life long Raider fan, I have to offer up Kenny Stabler as a QB for the all turd team based on his recent arrest.
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Rating: 4 / 5 with 2 rating(s)
backonthestreet, a Cheerleader, on 7/1/08 at 1:26 am
I can’t believe so many people are defending Marshawn Lynch. He hit a woman with his car and KEPT GOING. Then, he refused to talk to the police about it. You know, if the cops want to talk to me, and I’m innocent, I don’t hide myself and then get a lawyer to talk for me. I think people wouldn’t be so quick to defend Lynch if it were there wife/sister/mother/grandmother that were hit and left in the street. Just because the woman is okay does not make it any less heinous of a crime. All of us here would be in jail for years if we did something like that. If it happened anywhere else, he’d also be in jail for years. I wonder why Mike Vick didn’t receive such preferential treatment for his mistakes.
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Rating: 4 / 5 with 6 rating(s)
Tex Big Balls, a Head Coach, on 7/1/08 at 1:59 am
Look at that…No Dallas Cowboys.
Cowboys, the cleanest team in the National Felon League.
And if the Defensive team includes “Adam” Jones, then that’s still on Tennessee. Management just didn’t understand “Adam”.
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Rating: 2.2 / 5 with 5 rating(s)
robrocker, a Passionate Fan, on 7/1/08 at 2:19 am
To backonthestreet: Not all hit and runs are created equally.
This isn’t a case of Lynch hitting a woman HEAD-ON while driving 100 MPH.
In fact, he was turning LEFT after a STOP when the RIGHT side of his car scraped the woman, causing minor bruises that resulted in 7 stitches. He was going far under the speed limit.
Lynch kept going, didn’t even SLOW DOWN, and insists that he never knew he hit a woman.
It’s a fact (based on Lynch) and eyewitness interviews that he had many distractions that night: it was raining hard, another woman was performing “Singing in the Rain” in front of his car, while his boom box was playing in his sound-insulated Porsche Cayenne SUV.
If he *KNEW* he hit someone his GUT reaction would’ve been — AT THE VERY LEAST — to stop or slow down. BUT a POLICE CAMERA reveals he did neither.
And you may think he was drunk, but not one witness saw him that night drinking alcohol. But one did say he was drinking WATER. Plus, police never found any evidence that he had been drinking — not even from bar security tapes.
Now you may think he was lying, but the POLICE and PROSECUTERS think the evidence shows that he was telling the truth. Otherwise they would have charged him with some kind of criminal charge.
At least get the facts straight.
And Lynch didn’t speak because of the advice of his attorney — he’s a high-profile athlete for god’s sake. He’s not going to ignore his attorney and listen to the DA or the court of public opinion.
Lynch is not stupid, which is why he’s never been charged or arrested for a crime in his life.
I hate it that bloggers expect instant justice for their instant Web sites.
Give me a break.
This isn’t Law & Order SVU: The case was resolved and done with in less than 4 weeks.
The real world doesn’t operate on blogger time.
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Rating: 3.05 / 5 with 8 rating(s)
Shamrock, a Head Coach, on 7/1/08 at 2:27 am
Rivers doesn’t belong anywhere near this list. He is the complete opposite of a “turd” being a strong Christian and a solid family man. You will never find him in any kind of trouble.
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Rating: 2.15 / 5 with 7 rating(s)
RJS, a Passionate Fan, on 7/1/08 at 2:50 am
wickftball53 says:
“What about TO?”
Wow, you can always trust Eagles fans to lower the average IQ level around here.
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Rating: 3 / 5 with 4 rating(s)
The Gipper, a Passionate Fan, on 7/1/08 at 5:15 am
“Brandon Marshall, WR, Broncos: The heir to the Pacman/Henry “throne,” Marshall has spent more time in the back of a cruiser than an empty donut box.”
you mean once since he entered the league? because the only time hes been arrested since being drafted is the DUI.
great journalism by the way, hear one side of the story and then bash a guy based on that one side. i also noticed how you still havent mentioned how his ex girl friend is trying to extort him for 500,000 dollars. but i guess its easier to bash a guy if you dont bother listening to the other side of the story, paints a worse picture of Marshall.
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Rating: 3.65 / 5 with 3 rating(s)